Thursday, March 15, 2012

On the subject of Buck and Doe Parties

It seems that wedding season is fast approaching, and naturally as I have an opinion on everything, I have an opinion on "Buck and Doe" parties. You don't have to agree with me, that is fine, so if you are all for them, stop reading now!

I am more that slightly annoyed by the number of "Buck and Doe" parties I have been invited to in the past couple of weeks.  

I don't think you should invite people to your Buck and Doe if:
  • You don't have their phone number
  • You haven't spoken to them in several years
  • They have never met your significant other 
What motivation is there for me to spend money on your wedding if we are not even actually friends? If I have never met the person you are marrying?

I don't mean to be rude but...... if you are getting married, and you are:

  • Over the age of 25; or,
  • Own your own condo or house; or,
  • Have been out of school for a couple of years;
You should NOT be throwing yourself, or permitting anyone else to throw you a "Buck and Doe" or "Jack and Jill" party. The whole point of this party is to make money. That is NOT why one should throw a party.

If you are unable to afford the lavish wedding that you want, you have a few options that are far more classy and tactful than throwing yourself a party to make money for your wedding. These options include:

  • Scale back the size of your wedding to something you CAN afford;
  • Ask your family for help;
  • Take out a loan;
  • Elope 
Having an engagement party is one thing, however throwing a party where you want absolutely everyone you have ever met to come and spend heaps of money so that you can afford your dream wedding is not only tacky, but selfish and classless.

I am for the most part a traditionalist. Engagement parties and wedding showers are intended to help a young couple started out in their life together. If you already live with the person, by traditional rules you forfeit these events. Times have changed and grandparents have adapted, and engagement parties and bridal showers are thrown and they are wonderful celebrations.  

When you get married the point is about marrying the person that you love. It should not matter how big the party is, how much the dress or ring costs or how lavish the spread. It is about two people pledging their love for each other and dedicating themselves to each other for life. If you want a huge lavish wedding go right ahead and have one and have the time of your life! Just don't throw a tacky lame party and expect anyone you have ever met to come and give you money. 

In life if you can't afford something you either do not buy it, or you borrow. If you cannot afford your dream house, you buy something more reasonably priced, and if you cannot afford the luxury car you want, you do the same thing. Weddings are wonderful events, but they should not be financed by your friends. You wouldn't throw a party to raise money for a trip or to buy a car would you? Show some respect for your friends and don't expect them to come and shell out their hard earned money to pay for your wedding, especially if you are not going to invite them to it!

That is another major issue that I have with these types of parties. It is required that the people who attend your engagement party and or bridal shower(s) be invited to your wedding. This is proper etiquette - look it up if you do not believe me. If the people at your Buck and Doe are not invited to your wedding, not only are you the tackiest person ever - you're rude! You are asking them to help fund a wedding that they won't get an invitation to?? Who on earth raised you and left proper etiquette out of your life's lessons?

To be clear, I am not a mean spirited person, I simply believe that there is a proper way to act and social decorum should be follow. After all, a wedding is a traditional occasion with considerable social significance.

I wish everyone planning a wedding this year has a wonderful and fabulous wedding day! Best of luck with your future spouse <3

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